Indian wedding. Engagement Party

 Way back last June I was invited by my hairdresser to attend the engagement party of her nephew. There have been a number of engagement parties at the marina but none where we were actually invited guests so we were looking forward to it.

The party was held in  a community hall in the hills above Lautoka.  We had the name of the area (the Rifle Club) and a phone number but no actual address.  They just do not use addresses here and are lousy at giving directions.  Our taxi driver  set out as if he knew exactly where to go and then admitted he really had no idea where we were going.  Lucky we had that phone number.  After repeated phone calls and several dirt roads he  managed to get us to the right place.  We had been invited for 7:00 and it was now 7:45 but this is Fiji so nothing had really happened yet.  Luckily I had decided to wear the lovely Indian dress that I bought for Chris’ wedding.  The women were all dressed in the most magnificent saris in brilliant colors, covered in jewels, dramatic make up, high healed shoes.  The men were a different story.  Except for the grooms family, they were mostly wearing t-shirts and sandals.  Women were seated in rows of chairs set up theater style while the men gathered at the back of the room to drink kava. 
The happy couple finally arrived to the music of horns and drums and were escorted to the front of the room by dancing women and seated under an elaborate canopy.  The Indian music actually reminds me of Scottish bagpipes. There followed a long and to us incomprehensible ceremony with chanting from the priest and speeches from dozens of men.  At one point a woman read the familiar English wedding vows and rings were exchanged but this was still just the engagement and the wedding would not be for 6 more months. 

Eventually young men passed down the rows of seats handing out Indian sweets  Even though the speeches were still going on, the women began moving to the side of the room where food was being served.  The dining set up was interesting.  There were long planks set up along the wall, one about knee level and another a few feet higher, two sets of planks with a three foot space between them.   We seated ourselves on the lower plank and used the upper plank as a table.  Servers, all men, passed up and down between the rows of plank tables, handing out plates and serving food; curry, rice pilau, cabbage salad, dahl, chutney, roti.  There were no utensils, everyone ate with their fingers using bits of roti to pick up the food.  This worked OK with the larger bits but not so well with the dahl and I ran out of roti long before the food was gone.  The other women managed to look elegant as they scooped up the food with manicured nails and bangles on their wrists.  I soon had food all over my hands and had used up the one small napkin provided.  Luckily the servers returned offering extra roti.  As each person finished, servers passed by to collect the plates and offer a bowl of water to wash sticky fingers.  As the first group finished eating and went back to their seats, more people took their place and the serving began again.  Eventually some of the men joined in but not all of them. 
 
Meanwhile the speeches continued, eventually segueing into a DJ who ramped up the volume on the sound system and introduced the dancers, pure Bollywood.  Alan and I decided that it was time to go.  The music was way too loud and not really our style and it looked like the party was going to continue until the wee hours. 









Indian Wedding Day 2 of 3

We had not expected to be here for the wedding in December, but here we are so when the invitation was extended again I accepted gladly.  The first event was head at the groom’s father’s house and the invitation was to come for a family dinner.  When we arrived it was obvious it was not just a family dinner but a full out event, complete with canopies, rows of chairs, a dining area, etc .  Once again it was up in the hills  The directions given were to turn at the new grocery store that is not open yet and then go just a little father and it is right there.  “Ask anyone for the house of Vijay’s hair salon.”  Numerous dirt roads, wrong turns and phone calls later we arrived at a lovely home on top of the hills.  And once again we were early, very early,  No one was there except two older men sitting on the porch talking in Hindi.  After some confusion about who we were and how we had been invited, they were delighted to share family stories with us.  They turned out to be the grandfather and uncle of the groom.  Their family had come here, actually been brought here, in the 1870s to work on the sugar cane fields.  They were not slaves but very close to it.  Little by little they managed to save some money and start businesses but Indians were not allowed to own land until very recently.  The fact that they now have a big beautiful house in the hills and enough money to throw an extravagant wedding was a point of pride.   Indians and Fijians by and large live in separate communities and have separate rituals and life styles.  There is bad mouthing between the two groups:  “Fijians are all ……”. “Indians are …” but no outright hostility   Mostly it is live and let live.

Little by little I have been piecing together the details of Indian weddings.  The first night the bride and groom’s family each hold a family dinner.  Night 2, the one we were invited to is a. night of preparation and dedication.  Again the two families are separate.  Night 3 is the actual wedding.  So here we were at night 2.  As before, the women are dressed to the hilt and sit in the front rows.  The men are much more casual and sit in the back and doing kava.  Alan joined the men in the back and they went through several basins of kava before the nigh was over.  The groom came forward, escorted by several family members, one of whom carried a shrine of Vishnu. They processed around the canopy several times, stopping at each corner.  Then the groom was seated and the various family members approached and rubbed his face and arms with a white paste, touched his head with oil and gave him a belt leaf.  When this ceremony was over they all processed back into the house. 

People relaxed and chit chatted.  And then a   little while later the horns wailed and the drums pounded and the whole ritual was repeated with different participants and with the groom wearing a different shirt.  I lost track of how many times this happened but I am sure it was over a dozen.  I found out later that he was trying on and displaying all of the new clothes that had been given to him.  Apparently the same thing was happening at the bride’s house at the same time with saris rather than shirts.  One of the frustrating things was that whenever I asked the people around me what was happening and what it all meant I was met with blank stares and told it was tradition.  Alan fared better.  He was seated next to a teacher who was delighted to fill him in on all the ritual.  Apparently the groom is considered to be the embodiment of Vishnu from tonight until after the wedding.  Unfortunately Alan is not as interested in this stuff as I am so there are still a lot of gaps that tI need to sort out.

Eventually it was announced that food was ready and the women began moving towards the long plank serving area.  Speeches continued and the DJ was setting up.   We decided it was time to go.  We had told our taxi driver that we would call him about 10:00 so he should have been waiting for our call to come get us but the phone rang and rang with no answer.  I finally tracked down our hostess and told her our plight.  She got her husband who found a buddy with a car and they took us back to the marina, drinking beer all the way.





Indian Wedding Day 3.  Wedding

Finally the actual wedding day.  This event was held back at the community hall at the Rifle Club where the engagement party was held.  After our abandonment by last night’s taxi driver we decided to track down Ali, our driver from the engagement party, on the theory that he knew where the place was.  Turns out he was on vacation but when I called him he said he would be happy to take us.  Actually he sent his son to pick up up and take us to his house where we transferred to his car.  Turned out he was also going to a wedding tonight but he could easily drop us and pick us up again.  It is a very small community in Fiji. 

All the elements were the same; women in the front, men in the back, planks for serving food along the side, an elaborate canopy on the stage.  This ceremony was much more religious and even more incomprehensible.  It seemed to go on forever with much chanting and singing by two priests in elaborate costumes.  Lots of processing and bowing and offerings to the gods.  Several time coconuts were split in half with a single stroke of a machete.  The bride and the groom each gave their seven vows.  And of course speeches and music and dancing.  Our taxi driver arrived when summoned and deposited us back at the marina before returning to his family wedding.